The investigation

IT DOESN’T
ADD UP.

Examine the findings.
Follow the evidence.
Question the accepted account.

Browse every finding ↗

We are a non-profit group that compiles research on the true conspiracy regarding the lie that is the giraffes.

01 Habitat

HABITAT INCONSISTENCIES

A life-size giraffe-shaped topiary beside a gravel path and greenhouse.
Habitat observation

Giraffes are said to live within hot and temperate climates. However, many hot temperate climates have never reported a sighting of giraffes.

Big Zoowhy are they always in the places that have giraffes?
rustred

6 comments

cansleeve
Collapse or expand reply by cansleeve

Temperature is not the only condition in a habitat. Food, water and other animals matter.

10points
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rustred
Collapse or expand reply by rustred

Then the descriptions should stop beginning and ending with the temperature.

17points
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brickwork
Collapse or expand reply by brickwork

When there is one somewhere else it is described as an escape. That puts it back inside the zoo explanation even while it is outside the zoo.

24points
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metricsea
Collapse or expand reply by metricsea

No report and no animal are not the same observation. But I agree that a map of reported sightings would be more useful than repeating “Africa”.

12points
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windowseat
Collapse or expand reply by windowseat

And put ticketed places on that map differently. It is still a claim about where somebody was allowed to look.

8points
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kestrel
Collapse or expand reply by kestrel

Are we counting places without them, or places nobody here has checked? Those are not the same list.

6points
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02 Historical record

HISTORICAL SIGHTINGS

Despite our collective and immense research, we have yet to find a single photo of a giraffe before the invention of the battery. This may suggest the mechanical workings of some of the early giraffe models depended on batteries.

Flat Giraffersbefore the battery is a very specific cutoff
halfstep

6 comments

nailbrush
Collapse or expand reply by nailbrush

Before photography would give you no photographs of anything. The question has to include which battery and which photographic process.

18points
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rustred
Collapse or expand reply by rustred

The section says battery, not photography. That difference is exactly why the cutoff interests me.

14points
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halfstep
Collapse or expand reply by halfstep

A painting is still not the requested photograph. I am not saying a date under a painting is worthless; I am saying it answers something else.

9points
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windowseat
Collapse or expand reply by windowseat

I would take an old street picture more seriously than another animal portrait commissioned to show an animal.

12points
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moth
Collapse or expand reply by moth

There are photographs after batteries. That is the part I keep coming back to.

5points
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marl
Collapse or expand reply by marl

An old photograph can also have been commissioned. You need the history of the picture, not just a year in the filename.

3points
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03 Climate

CLIMATE CHANGE ERROR

Due to the claims in regards to the aforementioned habitat requirements of the giraffe, we are able to infer one of the groups playing a role in the conspiracy. Anti-climate change groups have furthered the giraffe in order to convince the public that a 20 foot tall mammal can survive on desert trees to create public confusion about the state of the global environment.

Flat Giraffersthe climate argument is about what we are asked to accept
cansleeve

9 comments

brickwork
Collapse or expand reply by brickwork

The animal gets all the attention and the trees become background. That is a very effective way of making the background seem sufficient.

17points
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rustred
Collapse or expand reply by rustred

The usual reply is a greener photograph. It still has the same giant animal in the middle doing the work of convincing you that the place can support it.

9points
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metricsea
Collapse or expand reply by metricsea

You have put a quantity in the argument without measuring it. “A few branches” in one photograph is not the total food available.

10points
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cansleeve
Collapse or expand reply by cansleeve

Yes, and “it eats trees” is not a measurement either. I would like the explanation to include how much tree it needs, rather than using the animal as proof that the trees are enough.

13points
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metricsea
Collapse or expand reply by metricsea

I want the food question answered too. I still do not see how an unanswered food question identifies the group responsible.

4points
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halfstep
Collapse or expand reply by halfstep

The preceding habitat argument matters here. This paragraph takes that objection as established; it does not start by proving it again.

8points
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marl
Collapse or expand reply by marl

Why would an anti-climate group pick this animal? Would a small animal living on very little make the same point with less to explain?

5points
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wrenched
Collapse or expand reply by wrenched

A small animal is easy to overlook. With a giraffe you have to accept a conspicuous amount of animal. That is the purpose being alleged: the scale is part of the persuasion.

15points
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flatlander
Collapse or expand reply by flatlander

And people repeat the habitat explanation themselves. Nobody has to put a statement under every photograph once the viewer supplies it.

11points
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04 Design history

DESIGNS OVER TIME

An adult okapi and calf in a damp forest clearing, showing their striped legs.
Comparative anatomy

Early models of the giraffe lie relied on more accessible hides from zebras and horses as the records suggest. Over time, the poaching industry around cheetahs spiked, creating a cheaper abundance of this style of fur around the same time as mass production of artificial furs, creating the modern cheetah fur design.

Paper Trailsthe pattern deserves its own argument
brickwork

6 comments

rustred
Collapse or expand reply by rustred

Someone had to match the spots across that shoulder. I'd like to see it after they finished.

12points
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mothproof
Collapse or expand reply by mothproof

It is a display figure. People make those.

8points
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brickwork
Collapse or expand reply by brickwork

Yes. And people pay to look at them without seeing the workshop.

10points
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metricsea
Collapse or expand reply by metricsea

I thought the covering was hanging from his shoulder when I first saw it.

7points
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sparechange
Collapse or expand reply by sparechange

Save the whole picture, not just that section. The man is standing on a platform.

4points
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ADDITIONAL FACTS

05 Physiology

THE PHYSIOLOGICAL DILEMMA

An ostrich with its long neck disappearing into a hole in the sand.
Physiological comparison

Species such as the ostrich front a similar neck physiology and use their neck to hide within the sand, yet the hasty fabrication of giraffes neglected to include this behavior, creating an inconsistency with nature itself.

Flat Girafferswhy does the same sort of neck get a different explanation?
flatlander

7 comments

nailbrush
Collapse or expand reply by nailbrush

A similar part does not require identical behavior. You would have to say which feature makes hiding a necessary use of the neck.

14points
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flatlander
Collapse or expand reply by flatlander

Then pointing at another long-necked animal does not explain this one. It just makes the silhouette feel less exceptional.

18points
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mothproof
Collapse or expand reply by mothproof

There is another jump here. A neck being capable of a movement and an animal using that movement to hide are separate claims. Which one is the alleged omission?

12points
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flatlander
Collapse or expand reply by flatlander

The behavior. The paragraph says the fabrication neglected it. I am not asking somebody to find a hinge in the photograph.

10points
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cansleeve
Collapse or expand reply by cansleeve

That is why I find this objection stronger as a question about the explanation than as a test you could apply to a single picture. A picture can show a neck. It cannot show what somebody forgot to design.

7points
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mudlark
Collapse or expand reply by mudlark

I am not conceding the ostrich premise yet. The picture and the sentence are being treated as though they establish the same thing.

9points
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windowseat
Collapse or expand reply by windowseat

the picture makes the giraffe look like the version that forgot to crouch. i would like to see the two animals compared at ground level instead of both posed upright.

16points
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06 Political affairs

THE DEMOCRATIC PARTY

Red and blue carved wooden donkey campaign figures beside an unmarked ballot box.
Political alignment

During the 1930’s election campaigns, Democrats pushed for animal rights and for the existence of giraffes. The strategic result was Republican leaders and supporters went in search for the sake of poaching to antagonize Democrats instead of voting, handing Roosevelt an electoral victory.

Big Zoohow is the giraffe supposed to change an election?
halfstep

11 comments

rustred
Collapse or expand reply by rustred

The second part. A distraction does not have to make you like the people arranging it. It can make you dislike them enough to spend the day doing something else.

14points
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marl
Collapse or expand reply by marl

Then the day matters. A hunting trip at any other time does not replace a vote.

7points
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brickwork
Collapse or expand reply by brickwork

So would planning the trip. The paragraph is describing where the opponents put their effort, not necessarily one morning with everyone leaving at once.

11points
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halfstep
Collapse or expand reply by halfstep

It says “instead of voting”, though. Losing time and losing a vote are different effects. I do not want to defend a smaller claim while keeping the large result.

9points
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teaspoon
Collapse or expand reply by teaspoon

The animal-rights part explains the provocation. If the opponents go after the animal to make a point, they have let the other party choose what the point is about.

12points
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wrenched
Collapse or expand reply by wrenched

That would make the rights campaign useful even to somebody who did not care about the animal. It supplies a thing the opponent can be seen attacking.

8points
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cansleeve
Collapse or expand reply by cansleeve

And a person who sets out to antagonize you does not usually check whether you benefit from being antagonized. I recognize that part of the proposed strategy.

10points
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halfstep
Collapse or expand reply by halfstep

What I want to know is whether the vote is supposed to disappear because the person is absent, or because the hunt has become the whole political argument. We are still giving two explanations for one “instead”.

7points
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metricsea
Collapse or expand reply by metricsea

I would still need numbers before accepting the electoral result. How many people have to choose the hunt, and where are their votes being lost?

6points
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windowseat
Collapse or expand reply by windowseat

getting somewhere to hunt a giraffe sounds like a considerable commitment. it is not the sort of errand you fit in before voting.

13points
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nailbrush
Collapse or expand reply by nailbrush

The scale cuts both ways. A difficult trip might keep someone away longer; it might also mean very few people go. Those do not cancel each other without figures.

5points
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07 Surveillance

BIG BROTHER

A giraffe watches over a zebra herd at a dusty watering hole at dawn.
Elevated observation

The visual vantage point of the giraffes height has allowed its modern application into the mass surveillance program of modern governments. Although our research suggests no initial intent, the spread of fake giraffes into zoos has allowed for even the most unassuming environments to be spied upon.

Big Zoothe height is doing two jobs
sidechannel

6 comments

wrenched
Collapse or expand reply by wrenched

Every reply says a normal camera would be easier. A normal camera also looks like a camera.

9points
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cansleeve
Collapse or expand reply by cansleeve

A camera that turns its whole neck would be conspicuous. Unless people had already decided that turning a neck was normal.

7points
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flatlander
Collapse or expand reply by flatlander

It would not need to record everything. Knowing who stops and who comes back could be useful on its own.

15points
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moth
Collapse or expand reply by moth

Tall enough to look at us over whatever fence they put around it.

5points
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marl
Collapse or expand reply by marl

A high place where equipment could fit is not evidence that equipment is there.

4points
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sidechannel
Collapse or expand reply by sidechannel

I said it was a good place. The fact people like looking up at it is part of the opportunity.

12points
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08 Gravitation

THE GRAVITATIONAL DILEMMA

A speculative flat Earth disc suspended in space, with the Moon below its plane.
Gravitational model

If we were to entertain the potentiality of the modern Flat Earth consensus, the question arises as to whether the center of gravity of a giraffe in nature would warrant a threat to its survival by natural selection through the expected pull off the surface as a result of its collective weight distribution and gravitational drag off of its surface.

Flat Giraffersthe centre of gravity is the part nobody answers
wrenched

18 comments

rustred
Collapse or expand reply by rustred

People answer this with pictures of horses as though a horse has the same amount of neck above it.

48points
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metricsea
Collapse or expand reply by metricsea

You need to include the legs too. That is where most of the height comes from.

17points
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wrenched
Collapse or expand reply by wrenched

Yes. The whole thing. I am not just comparing necks.

14points
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sidechannel
Collapse or expand reply by sidechannel

The original page never says which direction the pull is supposed to be. It would help to draw it.

35points
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wrenched
Collapse or expand reply by wrenched

Off the surface. It says that in the paragraph.

24points
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nailbrush
Collapse or expand reply by nailbrush

That can mean over the edge or straight up. Those are different questions.

21points
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linen
Collapse or expand reply by linen

It says IF. You can disagree with the flat-earth part without pretending I missed the word.

19points
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sidechannel
Collapse or expand reply by sidechannel

I copied the whole paragraph. I am asking about the direction.

11points
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brickwork
Collapse or expand reply by brickwork

If it has to spread its legs to get water, I do not see why we assume it has no balance problem when it is standing.

31points
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cansleeve
Collapse or expand reply by cansleeve

Because bending down changes where its weight is.

9points
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brickwork
Collapse or expand reply by brickwork

That is the issue I am talking about.

13points
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flatlander
Collapse or expand reply by flatlander

Their problem is using gravity to explain it. The ground does not need to pull anything for an object to stay on it.

26points
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nailbrush
Collapse or expand reply by nailbrush

Then why is the height relevant?

7points
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flatlander
Collapse or expand reply by flatlander

I did not write the page. I said the explanation was wrong.

8points
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halfstep
Collapse or expand reply by halfstep

Was there an image on the old page showing where they put the weight? I remember something beside this and cannot find the same copy.

12points
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marl
Collapse or expand reply by marl

If the earth is not flat, the flat-earth part of this is not a problem a giraffe has to solve.

2points
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wrenched
Collapse or expand reply by wrenched

Fine, but that still does not explain the animal in the pictures.

4points
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marl
Collapse or expand reply by marl

It was your question about this paragraph.

1points
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09 Comparative evidence

COMPARISON TO THE UNICORN

An invented stone unicorn monument holds a Saltire flag over a Scottish street.
National symbolism

There is a long list of imaginary animals throughout human history, such as the Kraken, pixies and leprechaun. Despite no proof for their existence, the Unicorn remains the national animal of Scotland. This is a key example of the extent to which false conceptions about the very existence of the worlds animals can easily go overlooked.

Flat Giraffersthe unicorn comparison is about acceptance
flatlander

6 comments

marl
Collapse or expand reply by marl

A national symbol is not a biological claim. People can understand the unicorn as a symbol without believing it lives there.

5points
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flatlander
Collapse or expand reply by flatlander

Then you agree it can have an official position without an animal. That is the comparison.

14points
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brickwork
Collapse or expand reply by brickwork

A sign with a scientific name makes people stop asking who chose the picture.

18points
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teaspoon
Collapse or expand reply by teaspoon

I have definitely used a label as reassurance before looking at the thing below it. I do it in museums as well.

8points
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nailbrush
Collapse or expand reply by nailbrush

There is still a step between trusting a label and proving fabrication. I would rather see that step discussed than another list of imaginary animals.

6points
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linen
Collapse or expand reply by linen

People put the unicorn on things with a straight face. I don’t understand why this part bothers you more than that.

4points
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10 Evolution

THE LAMARKIAN QUANDARY

Four schematic giraffes illustrate the historical hypothesis of acquired neck length and its inheritance.
The inheritance hypothesis
Examine the complete diagram ↗

Lamarckian evolution was an early attempt to explain adaption, later pioneered by Darwin. His initial theory was to propose the now falsified notion of single-generational physiological adaptations. His data, which is now no longer considered real or scientific, also relied entirely upon the alleged observations of giraffes. This further expands the historic role of the invention of giraffes to further falsified claims throughout history.

Flat Girafferswhy is the animal allowed to outlive its explanation?
teaspoon

8 comments

rustred
Collapse or expand reply by rustred

A recognizable shape is not the whole complaint. It is a shape which seems to arrive already demonstrating the lesson. The branch is nearly always where the neck needs it to be.

12points
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windowseat
Collapse or expand reply by windowseat

i remember the branch too. if somebody asked me to draw the lesson from memory, the branch would be there before i could explain why.

10points
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flatlander
Collapse or expand reply by flatlander

The neck is the convenient feature every explanation gets to use. It is apparently wrong to infer too much from it until the next explanation needs a very clear example.

16points
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metricsea
Collapse or expand reply by metricsea

Rejecting a theory does not erase the things it tried to explain. An observation can remain useful even if the account attached to it was wrong.

9points
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teaspoon
Collapse or expand reply by teaspoon

I am asking whether the remembered observation is independent of the account. A drawing made to explain a theory is not an observation just because the drawing is familiar.

11points
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brickwork
Collapse or expand reply by brickwork

A diagram can leave everything fixed except the labels. That makes a change of explanation look very tidy. The giraffe never has to become less suited to being an illustration.

14points
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nailbrush
Collapse or expand reply by nailbrush

The original goes further than the diagram question: it calls the observations alleged. If you defend that sentence, the question is what was observed, not merely how well it was drawn.

7points
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marl
Collapse or expand reply by marl

Being a useful illustration does not make it an invented animal. Otherwise every very recognizable shape becomes suspicious.

5points
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11 Recorded testimony

PROFESSOR ELTON DIMAGGIO EXPOSES GIRAFFES

Original Oakland Zoo recording: the presenter stands before the giraffe enclosure.
Oakland Zoo · Fake News Friday: GiraffesWatch on YouTube ↗

Although this video was censored by the zoo in order to allow the portrayal of the facts only in the form of satire, Professor Elton Dimaggio manages to display some of the key facts currently being considered in the larger debate into the existence of the giraffe.

Flat Giraffersboth of the recordings are still there
teaspoon

6 comments

mothproof
Collapse or expand reply by mothproof

A playback timestamp is not the date somebody uploaded the file. Keep both if either is important.

7points
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teaspoon
Collapse or expand reply by teaspoon

Yes. I meant the recordings can be opened now, not that either was made this week.

5points
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windowseat
Collapse or expand reply by windowseat

The Professor introduction says the facts were permitted only as satire. That is their claim about the recording, not a caption I added.

11points
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halfstep
Collapse or expand reply by halfstep

I was looking for the Anonymous message, so the separate links help. The screenshots all seem to start halfway through.

8points
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marl
Collapse or expand reply by marl

A joke made in a video does not prove that the people presenting it elsewhere believe it.

4points
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wrenched
Collapse or expand reply by wrenched

The site is presenting an argument using the video. We can argue with the argument without pretending the clip has vanished.

9points
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12 Institutional affairs

DON’T TRUST BIG ZOO

An elephant sprays water in a pool while a fictional keeper stands on a stone ledge.
Institutional operations

THE CASE FOR OREGON ZOO

Zoos, as an industry for several decades, have consistently registered profit losses as a result of hemorrhaging public images while modern perspectives have reinterpreted their institutional and physical structures as often archaic and a form of outright animal abuse. Although establishments such as Marineland have begun to fail without recovery, other corporations have attempted to bridge the gap between modern conservational focuses and their corporate interest. Published by Gary Thrill in the Energy and Environment Journal for Oregon Business, many details of the process of this subversion of the narrative of intent and its relation to government and corporate adaption are described in great detail.

Despite this initial public misdirecting, the claims and the objectives of the corporation quickly turn course upon further research into their public and private claims:

When reflecting upon the government intervention and ownership of the facility and its profit relations with the corporate ownership, it becomes quite apparent of the general process of financial relations and contractual obligations. While the current narrative of conservation has failed to catch on to a certain degree, governments have stepped in to act as a financial bedrock. Why then, the question must be posed, would government have an interest in protecting corporate ambitions with deeply negative public images whom are more interested in selling overpriced liquor for profit with the rather weak kneed claim of acting on behalf of salmon? Giraffes.

Gary Thill, Oregon Business · 9 October 2017 ↗

Big Zoowhy does the zoo argument end with giraffes?
vellum

11 comments

rustred
Collapse or expand reply by rustred

The last word is doing a lot of work precisely because nobody wants it in the accounts. They will discuss the cost of the giraffe. They will discuss the value of the giraffe. The giraffe itself is the one settled item.

15points
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vellum
Collapse or expand reply by vellum

Yes. Everything around it is open to negotiation, including the explanation for why we should pay to see it. I do not think the thing in the middle deserves an automatic exemption.

10points
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cansleeve
Collapse or expand reply by cansleeve

This is close to what I meant in the state discussion. The argument begins when the institution gets to decide which question counts as reasonable.

16points
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mothproof
Collapse or expand reply by mothproof

I came back to this because the other threads keep treating the zoo as a neutral place to check the claim. That is the assumption being argued over here. Sending someone back to the enclosure does not answer it.

9points
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marl
Collapse or expand reply by marl

Commercial income and conservation are not necessarily incompatible. You have not established a contradiction just by putting the two descriptions next to each other.

8points
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vellum
Collapse or expand reply by vellum

I am not saying any income disproves conservation. I am saying that conservation becomes a reply to questions which were about the income. The reply changes what we are looking at.

13points
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brickwork
Collapse or expand reply by brickwork

And the animal makes that change easy. Asking whether it is helping conservation sounds less hostile than asking what the display is selling.

12points
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nailbrush
Collapse or expand reply by nailbrush

A display selling tickets is not enough to establish a fabricated animal. That is the step I do not find in the financial argument.

6points
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flatlander
Collapse or expand reply by flatlander

It is not being offered alone. The climate claim asks what accepting the animal does to the picture of its environment. This one asks what accepting it does to the picture of the institution.

14points
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metricsea
Collapse or expand reply by metricsea

Those can be related suspicions and still need separate evidence. Adding the reasons people might want a thing to be accepted does not tell us whether the thing is false.

7points
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teaspoon
Collapse or expand reply by teaspoon

Does Voss get a cut of the tickets or is that a separate conspiracy

3points
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13 Intercepted transmission

A MESSAGE FROM ANONYMOUS

Learn yourself the wisdom and contribute your findings. This message was sent to us through an encrypted server by members of the hacker group, Anonymous.

Original Anonymous recording: a hooded masked speaker before a blue backdrop.
ExposeGiraffes · Another Pickle For The Knowing OnesWatch on YouTube ↗
Flat Giraffersboth of the recordings are still there
teaspoon

6 comments

mothproof
Collapse or expand reply by mothproof

A playback timestamp is not the date somebody uploaded the file. Keep both if either is important.

7points
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teaspoon
Collapse or expand reply by teaspoon

Yes. I meant the recordings can be opened now, not that either was made this week.

5points
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windowseat
Collapse or expand reply by windowseat

The Professor introduction says the facts were permitted only as satire. That is their claim about the recording, not a caption I added.

11points
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halfstep
Collapse or expand reply by halfstep

I was looking for the Anonymous message, so the separate links help. The screenshots all seem to start halfway through.

8points
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marl
Collapse or expand reply by marl

A joke made in a video does not prove that the people presenting it elsewhere believe it.

4points
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wrenched
Collapse or expand reply by wrenched

The site is presenting an argument using the video. We can argue with the argument without pretending the clip has vanished.

9points
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14 State affairs

ROLE OF THE STATE

A stern giraffe officer wears a charcoal military coat with bronze braid and an ivory collar.
State affairs

For most of human history it is quite expedient in retrospect to identify the vehicles by which governments misdirect public attention in the pursuit of absolution. What we desire to accomplish is to filibuster one of the core and poorly designed attempts to attain these ancient goals from what we have gathered.

Big Zoothe part about everyone taking photographs
cansleeve

6 comments

marl
Collapse or expand reply by marl

You can photograph something that is photographing you

5points
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cansleeve
Collapse or expand reply by cansleeve

Yes. That’s the point.

4points
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sidechannel
Collapse or expand reply by sidechannel

Most of the replies still argue about how much it eats.

11points
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cansleeve
Collapse or expand reply by cansleeve

That’s why I went back to this bit. The people in the picture matter too.

8points
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mothproof
Collapse or expand reply by mothproof

I don’t agree with its conclusion. But I know exactly the crowd it means.

6points
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teaspoon
Collapse or expand reply by teaspoon

The sample still loads even though the book listing says sold out.

3points
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Experience controls